Glossary of Lifestyle Terms courtesy of The Garden
 


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Bondage: any practice involving restraints placed on the body to restrict freedom of movement.

Bondage and Discipline, B&D: A classic term referring to several practices including bondage, slave training, corporal punishment, and dominant/submissive role play.

Bottom: An S/M practitioner who submits to bondage, training, role play, corporal punishment, etc., but who is mot necessarily emotionally committed to his/her dominant partner (top).
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Brat: A bottom who enjoys struggling against control or challenging the top. Brattiness has a wide spectrum from the playful "uppity bottom" to the smart ass masochist. Some brats are "testing" their dominant, other's have a desire to be "conquered and tamed", while some simply do not wish to be controlled.

Collar, collared: 1) A symbol of surrender worn by a submissive. A collar is given in a relationship as a profound symbol of a commitment and bond. A "collared" submissive is considered to be owned or partnered with a dominant player. 2) A piece of bondage equipment worn around the throat.

Consensual: Behavior or activities agreed to by all parties involved. True consent is informed consent and requires a reasonably accurate knowledge of possible risks.
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Discipline: The "D" in B/D that can mean 1) Punishment 2) The structured training of a submissive.

Dominance, dominance & submission, D/S, D&S: The consensual empowerment of one partner by the other for erotic enhancement. Dominance and submission are the psychological and emotional underpinnings of SM. (see power exchange)

Dominant, Dom, Domme, Domina, Dominatrix: The person who is given a consensual exchange of power. Domme, Domina, and Dominatrix refers to women. Dominant, or Dom can refer to either gender.
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Edge Play: Erotic role play near or at the edge of a submissive's or dominant's limits. The term also refers to activities that carry a higher than usual element of risk.

Erotic Pain: Stimuli that are painful under normal circumstances, but are pleasurable or arousing in a sexual context.

Fetish: A sexual fixation on an activity or object.
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Fire and Ice: The use of hot and cold for sexual stimulation especially hot wax dripped from a candle and ice applied to the skin.

Flogger, flogging: An unbraided multi-thonged whip is a flogger to whip using a flogger or other corporal instruments.

Gorean, Gor: The term used from a series of books written by John Norman about an imaginary planet called Gor. The slave culture described in these novels has acquired a cult following and gorean elements are used in some SM fantasy role play.
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Kajira: A term taken from John Norman's Gor series to refer to a Gorean female pleasure slave.

Lifestyler: A person who lives a lifestyle that supports rather than conflicts with his SM fantasy archetype. Some lifestylers object to the characterizations of their SM identities as fantasy role play, feeling that it is integral to their personalities rather than a sexual game. It is easy, and often attractive, to confuse reality with fantasy.

Masochism, masochist: The erotic enjoyment of pain, humiliation and/or of being dominated. One who enjoys pain, etc. Sometimes the terms are used to describe one who enjoys heavier pain.
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Master: a male that takes the dominant role in SM play. The title may be bestowed upon the male dominant in appreciation of his skill. It may be a term of endearment or a loving tribute to a Dom by a submissive in a relationship.

Mistress: A female dominant (see Dominant, Dom, Domme Domina, Dominatrix)

Pansexual: Non gender specific sexual orientation. A group that encompasses all sexual and gender orientations is said to be pansexual.
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Pillory: Handed down from the reign of the puritans, a pillory is a usually wooden framed, free-standing stocks that imprisons the head and wrists for immobilizing a person. For use with the humiliation of your choice.

Post scene plunge: Feelings of let down, depression, fear, disgust remorse, etc. after participating in SM play. Can be experienced by either dominant or submissive. Jay Wiseman author of SM 101, uses the term "Top Drop" to describe these feelings on the part of the dominant.

Pushing limits: 1) A careful process of gradual expansion of limits. 2) Intense play that comes close to the unbearable (see edge play)
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Sadism, sadist: Deriving sexual pleasure from the giving of pain humiliation, and/or domination. The honorable sadist only gives pain or humiliation to those desiring it, respects limits and is caring and careful.

Sadomasochism, S/M: Advanced sexual practices incorporating the consensual use of pain, humiliation, and power exchange for erotic enjoyment. SM includes dominance and submission bondage and discipline, love bondage, and erotic spanking. The term is frequently misused to indicate heavier or more extreme practices.

Safe, sane, and consensual: (the creed of the BDsM community Characterizes the acceptable play within the SM community players adhere to safety precautions within their activities, do not participate in practices that will injure their partner (mentally or physically), and obtain consent by negotiating scenes and scene related activities before carrying them out.
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Safe word, safe signal: A word, a phrase, or an action (like dropping a ball by a gagged submissive) used by the submissive as a signal to stop the scene or reduce the activity.

St Andrews Cross: An upright cross in the shape of the letter "X" to which people are bound for flogging or torture.

Scene, Scening: 1) The S/M or fetish community; or things associated with it 2) An occurrence or session of S/M play.
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Session: A scene(see scene)

Slave: 1) In the scene community sometimes used loosely as another word for submissive. 2) A submissive involved in a committed relationship incorporating a shared master/slave fantasy.

Slave contract: A written agreement elaborating the terms, goals and limits of an SM relationship.
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Slave training: The process of; instructing a submissive in a dominant's preferences, and, conditioning the submissives behavior.

Smart ass masochist, SAM: A bottom, who rather than submitting challenges or annoys to entice a Dom to punish her. (see brat)

Spanking: Striking a submissive, usually with an open hand, on her fanny. Some use this term to include paddling as well.
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Spreader bar: A strong bar, usually wooden, bamboo, or metal with rings or holes on each end, used as a bondage tool to keep a submissives arms or legs apart.

Stocks: (see pillory)

Stoplight, safewords: A commonly used system of safewords wherein red means stop the scene immediately and release the sub, yellow warns the dominant that the current practice is pushing the submissives endurance, and green lets the dominant know that what is happening is awfully nice and should be continued.
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Strap: 1) As a noun, this is either a bondage restraint (usually leather with a buckle) or as an instrument of corporal punishment (also usually leather sans the buckle). 2) As a verb it is the act of binding or beating the submissive with a strap.

Submissive, sub: One who surrenders control of her body and behavior (within pre defined limitations) to another for erotic play.

Switch: 1) A person who enjoys taking either side in the SM role or physical play; i.e. top or bottom, Dom or sub. 2) A slender flexible branch from a tree or bush used for corporal punishment.
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Tawes, taws: Thick rigid leather with a lengthwise slit (or slits) in it used in a paddle like fashion.

Top: One who takes the active role in physical scenes, but not necessarily emotional/mental control.

Top's disease: A state of self-delusion wherein the top believes his own fantasy of dominant superiority. This dementia is characterized by the fallacy that his feces lacks the usual malodorous quality.
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Topping from the bottom: Maintaining the fiction that the top is in charge, where the real control and direction of a scene rests with the bottom.

Total conversion or the 'ouchless ouch": Whip strokes or corporal stimuli delivered during an erotic scene that begins light and rises gradually. The level of sexual arousal is always kept at a high enough level so that the blows are never experienced subjectively as pain.

Training: Any of many disciplines wherein the Dom and sub act together to modify the sub's behavior, condition, and /or attitude. Including, but not restricted to; anal training, position training, voice command response, and so on.
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Vanilla: Describes things, activities and people who are not part of the SM scene, for example; "We had vanilla sex last night," meaning, "We had sex without including any SM scene elements." The term is no longer derogatory except as used by immature, cliquish, snobby people who have a disregard for alternative needs and desires of other's.

Whip: A whip is an object used to beat on a submissive. Many people in a scene use the term whip to include canes, crops paddles, slappers, etc., as well as single and multiple lash whips.

Whipping: 1) The act of beating a submissive or bottom. 2) Finishing a rope-end to prevent fraying by wrapping it with thread or string.
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Wrapping: Allowing the tips of a whip or cane to strike parts of the body other than the intended target. For example, aiming for the fanny and hitting it, but the tips of the whip wrap around the fanny and strike the hip. Bruising on the hips is often a sign of a careless or incompetent top who is frequently unaware of the damage that is occurring.

X-Frame: A stationary bondage frame in the shape of an "X" usually mounted in a horizontal position (see St Andrews Cross)
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All content posted in the glossary section was culled from the excellent (and highly recommended) book "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon, copyright 1995 Mystic Rose books.

 

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